Quarter life crisis
I made the joke today to one of my co-workers that I’m having a quarter life crisis - I’m wondering if maybe it’s true. Have you ever wanted to change everything in your life, all at once.. As fast as humanly possible? That’s what I’m going through.
After the wedding and after the honeymoon, I decided that I was going to take charge of my life and that I was going to get healthy. I started on an assisted diet plan & last weigh in (6 days in), I had lost 6lbs.. That felt pretty great. After clumsily stepping on my glasses, I figured rather than walking around with an inch of tape on the glasses I had, that I’d just fork out the money and get real, adult glasses. Small changes at first.
Tuesday after work I decided, for no apparent reason, that everything in our bedroom was pissing me off. So I tore everything apart and I rearranged it. The next day I proceeded to gut out our apartment and give away about 70% of my clothes. I was over it.
Today was all mental. I started thinking about how my entire life I’ve always put myself down and made myself feel bad about the person I was (inside and out) and started linking that to the people I chose to have in my life.
Let’s be real, if you’ve never been a tom boy, you wouldn’t understand why a young girl would rather wear over sized nu-metal tee shirts and baggy jeans. It’s the same thing when you’re fat. You can never expect someone that’s never been overweight in their life to understand what it will do to your brain. I kind of put together a pattern in my head today of all the childhood friends I had, even the ones I’ve had in my adulthood and realized the horrible truth. Girls. Are. Fucking. Crazy.
If they’re not putting each other down about something, they’re boasting about how much everyone else thinks they’re attractive. You try to introduce something positive into your life and they find some way of backhandedly knocking it. It’s like they emotionally piss all over you to mark their territory to make you feel inferior or bad about yourself so that they can, in turn, feel better about themselves. Girls, we all feel bad about ourselves anyway. Instead of being catty, why don’t we just support each other and throw one another a compliment every now and again. Support positive change and use it to inspire yourself. Don’t let jealousy and insecurity turn you into something that no one wants to be around.
I think I need my space from people for awhile. Work on me and work on my head.. Try to get things right this time.
